remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
