you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
