You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
