I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
