I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
