I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
