I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
