i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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