In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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