For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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