I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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