tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I supernannyed him into submission
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
