And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
