i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
