I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
