my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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