you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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