my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need moral support for this bender
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
