Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
