I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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