This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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