I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
