Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
