is your mom at the bar?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
