u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
