My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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