His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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