Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
