I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
