My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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