I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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