so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
