So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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