just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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