i really wish james franco would like my vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
