Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
