just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
