I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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