I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
