My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
