I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
