I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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