God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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