Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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