You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
