my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
