I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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