Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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