I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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