just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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