Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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