Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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