Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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