i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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