Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am in a vortex of obligation.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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