my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
God, I missed his penis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
