you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
