the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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