I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
