you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
